grief, grieving

grief

grieving, sudden waves of sadness

surges of pain and trauma escape from my recesses

my eyes resembling a whale's blowhole

forgotten heartache surfacing 

triggered by the present

grief

grieving, no manners, no considerations 

unruly and out of hand or carefree and flowing

in this moment, it clears my mind and redirects it to ache

grief

grieving, arriving all mixed up 

losses so many it's hard to know who one is grieving today

just a flood from the pit inside reaching up, wanting to exit

grief

grieving, it's just there, all of it the sadness, the loss,

the empty heart space, feelings that overwhelm,

feelings that become misplaced and misdirected 

because so much has been lost, the loss, the longing, sadness

dialogue

we cannot sit in a process of dialogue

while militarised vehicles shout shutup! 

we would be making jokes of ourselves

Ain't I a woman - Sojourner Truth

Honouring the memory of Sojourner Truth, who spoke these word in 1851 and then I just had some kind of crazy experience in the cafeteria in 2017 and yes, these words still have validity.  A white man spoke over me while I was being assisted, put in his order. Then when he catches up with me at the coffee station where you have to pour your own filter coffee he wants me to pour his coffee. Just leave that there. 

AIN'T I A WOMAN?

by Sojourner Truth

Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.

found this on http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/genwom/sojour.htm

people are making things happen!

This weekend I was reminded about what is right in South Africa.  Friday night I went to watch Ikhaya at Artscape, I went especially to see 2 of our old Umbon’omhle youth who are now training at Indoni Dance Academy.  I spent most of Saturday as I have, the past 3 Saturdays, attending the Pathways to Free Education Winter School and in the afternoon I went to see the play Krotoa van Vandag, written and directed by Blaqpearl aka Janine Van Rooy-Overmeyer. 

Each of these experiences were inspiring, reflective, offered a message of hope and included the voices of ordinary Africans above all the people performing or engaging were empowered, organising themselves and creating solutions to the problems facing our communities.

The media delivers a message of doom and gloom, spreading fear at every turn, this was nothing like it.  The Indoni Dancers told their story Ikhaya (Home) with their bodies, the struggles that youth face at home of alcoholism and drug abuse, persecution.  They showed the strength and power that they have to overcome and to keep moving forward. 

The next morning in Khayelitsha, we the Pathways collective and a strong contingency of Housing Assembly Young Lions amongst others, discussed the challenges facing us with a focus on water and electricity.  We reflected on the implications of the commodifying of a life-giving source like water, and recognised the importance of building a mass movement across communities.  This discussion was about people, the working class in particular, taking up their own issues and not about looking to government to offer salvation.  The way these sessions take place has been humbling, always respectful, filled with trust and appreciation of each other’s humanity - as we learn and share we are building friendships across all kinds of barriers.

Then I went on to watch the Blaqpearl Foundation production in Mitchells Plain.  Before the production we were addressed by local women, who spoke about the work they are doing.  The women were mothers who lost their children through gang violence, they shared their pain and courage with us in song and dance.  In their short presentation, they brought me to tears they have initiated a number of projects to serve the community – healing themselves through loving service.  

Krotoa van Vandag, with a stunning cast including Blaqpearl and Bliksemstraal brought home the painful reality that the struggle of Krotoa, a young Khoi woman in the 1600s was still alive in the struggles facing young black women in the 21^st century.  If you have the opportunity to go and watch the show, do yourself a favour. 

All of these events inspired me – people are making things happen!

“Tell me what are you working for, who are we living for, take a look in the mirror and see what you are worth” – A peoples worth by Blaqpearl 

Mid-year reflection Day 1

Today, I spent some time in mid-year reflection, a process that will continue for the week and will inform my programme for the rest of the year.

Some reflective insights:
To save money - I need to change behaviour
Given that I am studying this year, finances have become more important and as I look at how do I reduce my budget, one of the obvious ways is to reduce expenditure.  It occurred to me instantly that cutting down on expenses demands behaviour change, like no more buying coffee from the vending machine, managing my resources more carefully and prioritising where I put my time - because time is money. I will have to be doing some focused exercises to support these choices.

I need to value my money
I am reminded again that my money is my reward for my labour, it is my income derived by selling my labour.  Let me not squander it, let me value it, however great or small.

Creating balance
Indeed I am a social being as I mapped out my life, I see so much activity that includes people. I have recently learnt through the ancient Indian medicine practice of Ayurveda that I have dual opposing doshas (types) and so I am also very happy being a quiet person and this too is reflected in the ways that I practice self-care. I can see that I am getting better balancing these 2 aspects of my being.  In the past I would get lost in the one aspect and then the other. I guess I am getting better at being me - thank goodness, after all I am not getting any younger :)

Gratitudes for this day:
I am grateful for my capacity to forgive
I am grateful for Faroek, who celebrates his birthday today and is a wonderful father to my grandchildren and husband to my daughter, Layla and really has become my son. A beautiful, joyful, smiling, ultra marathon athlete, sporty and talented young man - a great example to other young men. 

WE WON

If you know me, you also know that I am not the joker in the group, I am the serious sometimes boring one. So last night when I was elected as UCT's President of Convocation and my first speech was more funny than serious.  It got me wondering why? And where was my Amandla! and my Ilizwe lethu!

In short I was surprised and so I was still processing - again, if you know me....

I was super optimistic that as a united front of alumni, students, staff and black academics we could garner support and at least, win this convocation battle. I never set out to be in this role, I agreed because we needed someone everyone was willing to support. It is my honour to serve in this way. I am truly humbled by the faith people have in me. Being me, I had no victory speech nor did I even consider what I may say should we win. Now I know the value of having a prepared victory speech :) Though I still prefer my way, no expectations.

Then our win became so personal on social media with congratulations to me, and that is so uncool. Asseblief mense, WE won, please, enkosi, siyabulela! The protest space is expanding at UCT and we all need to own it and we all need to own the gains we make! The decolonial road is long and winding it is only through unity that we will get there!

And then some more best days in India

Saw that  this was never posted so I am retrying. from my trip to India.

In my last blog I said that that day would probably be the best day of this trip. I now know that there is no day that can be called the best. So many wonderful things have happened! I actually got to meet Dadi Janki as she slowly invited all the participants to meet her in small groups.  Dadi Janki is 101 years old and a Yogi who is clear of mind and thought, humourous, arms are still strong, though the legs struggle I was fascinated to note that she does not have much wrinkles on her arms and feet as can be seen on so many people when they are in their seventies.