Gratitude in the wake of death

Loosing Sandile has been extremely hard to deal with as Thulani and I who are two people who normally hold and contain the organisation and its processes are also the two people who have been parenting young Sandile here in Cape Town – Thulani much, much more than I, in both cases. I know that Sandile and I are very close as souls, which is why we cared so much for each other and so we remain connected at that level. My physical self though is reeling at this loss and as much as I would like to just sit with my feelings I have not yet had the chance to fully do this as obligations arise and my own need to escape in busy-ness arises. I have though sat, felt my sadness, just been, cried, stilled my body. I am thankful to Thulani who understands my sadness best, for giving me permission to do as I please and for holding me when I need it. I am thankful to Nadia for love and support even though she is still writing exams and grieves in her own way. I am thankful for my Houston family (the whole tribe) who truly love and care for me and their support through this time, for my Umbon’omhle family who fill my heart with love and compassion as they continue in the ‘summer wars’.  I am thankful for Sandile’s friends and the Langa community who came together at the Memorial and helped to create a beautiful evening of celebration and remembrance of an Angel known as Sandile Nene.

Thankful for the life I have lived and the privilege of having Sandman in my life and being able to share him with my Houston family. Thankful to Lumka for laying a foundation of love of food, openness and respect in him.  Eternally thankful to Thulani for saving Sandile’s life by showing him a way of being in the world that is about respect, caring and love – Sandi embraced this so fully, as many who spoke at his Memorial reflected, he was so loving, respectful, generous, humurous and caring.  

 I am thankful for the time granted me to take off work and for the beautiful chanting led by Lenore to lift his soul. Thankful to the Divine, angels, saints, elevated spiritual beings, my spiritual guides, Guanshiyin – Buddha of love and compassion for so many blessings and holding me in this time of deep heartache.