Hair

Recently I have been noticing that many people - woman especially - here in Cape Town are wearing extensions, weaves and whatever else they call false hair or worse still human hair. I have always been in favour of sticking with the hair i was born with as curly and croes as it may be, it is part of what makes up this particular being, Lorna. Natural and connection with nature has always been me so i can't begin to understand why other people want to hide away their natural hair. I can only but think it is the same / similar reason why they may straighten their hair - because of the idea that Black is ugly. Black kinky / curly hair, black big lips, black fat nose, etc The truth is that not only black people have these features and that we are all beautiful. [By black people I refer to a wide range of Blackness]

It is sad that we cannot be Black and proud and see the beauty of our blackness that we need to spend thousands of rands on hair - sometimes hair stolen from another's head! - just to make ourselves feel beautiful. We see ourselves through the eyes of the white man and woman, believe the untruths of blackness is ugliness and stupidity, Africa is backward and in need of eternal reams of advice from people from the north. Eyes unable to see the humanity and beauty of black culture.

Wake Up!!!!!!!!

We are beauty, peace, love, purity, bliss. We are all the virtues of hope, harmony, justice, joy and more just like white people we are beautiful.

Wake Up!!!! Go inside yourself, connect with yourself and discover the treasure chest of beauty that is hidden under life's trauma and suffering.

Take a look inside your own heart and see the love that lives there and know that you don't need false or human hair, you are beautiful just the way you are. :)

Don’t get mad get wise

This Blog is taken directly from the Brahma Kumaris - Weekly Message of Inspiration 15 May 2012. I thought it worth sharing.

         

At a recent conversation with a group of young people the subject of anger came up.  As one participant highlighted that society always advises us to find alternative ways to deal with our anger, however suppressing anger is certainly not the answer and further sometimes it is important to let the other know of your anger.  Anger - why does this emotion erupt within us?  Our usual reason is - other people.  Ever heard yourself saying,”you make me angry”.  Certainly, people’s behaviour, ideas, opinions and personality can differ from ours.  Secondly, sometimes we can feel that people have over-stepped their boundaries.  Whatever the reason, is anger useful to me?

          

That is the first question to consider, is anger useful to me?  Have you ever considered what anger does to you?  On a physical level - it increases your blood pressure, your heart rate increases you release adrenalin in the body to cope with this added pressure.  So on a very basic level - anger affects my health.  Secondly, often words spoken in anger can never be taken back.  It can lead to hurt, pain and regret which would need a life time to heal.  Thirdly, anger leads to anger - it creates an endless cycle.  No one learns, changes or grows through anger. 

          

Finding alternative ways to deal with the things that trigger our anger is very important.  Suppressing it is certainly not the answer.  How do we transform that emotion?  In his book, Don’t get mad get wise, Mike George mentions - “any emotion under observation dies.”  To transform and heal I need to firstly acknowledge the emotion.  Secondly, it is vital to recognise that you are responsible for the emotion created.  Irrespective of what happens around you, you are the one who creates the emotion of anger.  No one does it for you - you created it.  Until we acknowledge that our emotions are our own creation only then can we feel empowered to change it.  Thirdly, the understanding that anger is not useful.  I nor anyone around me has ever moved forward through anger. 

          

A useful approach is to take a moment to step back and look at what options there are around you to find a meaningful solution.  Most times, all it requires is COMMUNICATION.  This is a big word.  Communication can truly only happen when emotions are cooled down.  So give yourself the time to be calm before attempting to communicate.  Second rule, always speak from the point of how you feeling as an individual rather than blaming or accusing.  Thirdly be honest and respectful and finally be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view.  Only if we prepared to listen than will we be able to shift from our own perspective.  This shift allows for a way forward.

          
To be able to do this it is very important to cultivate time for self reflection and inner peace through meditation.  When I learn to create inner calm and peace, it gives me the clarity to see solutions and ways to move forward.
        

Vision

I am pretty sure that we do not fully appreciate the power of vision.  Earlier, I was on how grown up and mature my children are today, and how much I appreciate that they feel they can approach me with the challenges they face. I remembered the time when we were poor and I truly struggled. I can still recall the day, back in 1993, already a single mother with a newborn baby and a toddler to care for, I questioned what I would be able to give my children on my meagre income in ten years’ time. I was aware that with my incomplete high school education I was never going to earn much more than what I was at the time.  In that moment I decided that I must do something different.  I had a vision of completing my high school education and a first degree so that I would be able to provide my children with a Life and not an Existence where all I focus on is the treadmill of hard work and minimum wages that don’t allow us to live in decent conditions and eat adequately healthy food.  

I embraced and realised this vision and many other visions I have had before that one and since.  Vision helps us to move toward something, to create, to change, to have motivation and purpose.  They are amazing vehicles for real transformation whether individual or collective transformation.  Shared vision is even more powerful because then the vision has even more attention directed to it. I believe in the power of vision and I know I underestimate its power otherwise I would be using it much more frequently to help me on my life’s journey. 

Some ways we can use Vision:

Before we start the day, or a new project or activity – picture the desired outcome, imagine you achieved the outcome and notice how you feel, your posture, your thoughts, what you can see or hear. Take it in, allow yourself to fully experience the successful achievement of your day / project / activity and then get on with what you need to do to lead you to that moment.

Today I had an amazing coaching session. I was being coached and trying to understand how to be with a friend whom I have a good relationship with but have some concerns about. It was quite amazing to just have the coach reflecting back to me what I was saying - as she reflected back it was like a mirror  she held up. I could see quite easily some of the illogical thoughts in my head, that have been there for a while, and had seemed perfectly logical to me all along.

She asked only a few questions, all so powerful, and as I spoke and thought and went deeper into myself I found those questions were like turning a switch in my head and I suddenly saw the situation differently. No real work to argue myself into seeing things differently. I just had clarity, simply by considering questions I did not ponder before. I had a new perspective.

I love coaching, I love clarity. I now have clarity and know that my friendship will remain strong. Yay!

Being Centred

Today I attended Life Coach training and saw just how large and strong / stable / firm I am when I am centred and my ego is set aside during the coaching session. It was such an awesome insight. It is amazing to see the strength and power when the ego is not present. It confirmed what I already know, one more time, that the ego can get in the way of meaningful, respectful communication.

We all need to learn to manage our ego and not have our ego manage us.     

Goodbye Himoe

I am so glad we had such a great birthday celebration with you just a month ago. We had a wonderful evening and I even got into a little trouble with Nadia for being out so late. It was worth it. The search for coffee and the one crepe Natalie made us all share J.  Me belly-dancing, I hope you enjoyed that one, lol.  I trust this past year showed you just how much we love you and care.  We enjoyed a nice cosy evening at Natalie’s and you told Naomi about how – according to you, we became friends – Nat and I agree, we thought we were already friends!!!  I recall how you told the story of Sein and Graham’s passing and Mark’s passing and my friend (whom I still can’t remember) that came to the funeral because they could not believe I was friends with the son and the father.  You loved talking about your relationship to all of us, I could see how important it is to you and I was thankful, because its also important to me.

Himoe, you passed away on my birthday – if the shoe was on the other foot you would say the F-word J - I will say I am sorry you were too sick to come to celebrate it with us, you may as well have given that the worst thing that could have happened did anyway.  It’s okay though because we had so much fun together recently, Easter at Annie and Ismail’s, not to mention the sleep-inducing Cabaret movie and oops did I say that out loud? Your presence at Layla’s graduation in our home and of course, the many music clubs and your epistles.  I looked for an epistle from you this morning, ready to laugh, of course there was not one and won’t be anymore. I will have to reread the others. 

 

Himoe, we will now meet the Martians. I am looking forward. Seriously, life will not be the same with out you, my blind friend, who saw deeper into hearts than many.  My life is not the same because of you as a friend, an older man, an example that men can be different loving, sensitive, responsible and caring.  You helped and supported me in my darkest days not judging or directing instead, accepting, understanding and doing what you can. Introducing me to Maya Angelou - one of your great loves – and encouraging new feminist perspectives in my brain.  I know I should have told you that last point while you were here, it would’ve thrilled you to hear it.  Music, life, film and art you were always interested to discover someone / something new and always generously sharing a new love.  Thank you for sharing so much of yourself so freely with me and my whole family incorporating the McAskills. 

You loved your family so much especially all the grandchildren, I know they will all miss you. I will remember you with a laugh and a song always.

A generous, kind and joyful heart

Stimulated by music and art

Filled with love for all around

Always around to provide the sound

You came and touched so many lives

Big and small, we were all your size

Good food and drink you knew how to appreciate

My poetry read you did ingratiate

You challenged us to be more than we are

Believing we are all stars

Himoe, a dear dad, friend and brother

You touched our lives like no other

A peculiar dynamic of relationships

And you marvelled at this odd friendship

Of two families, merged into one

Of the ties that bind us till we are done

You leave behind a world richer for laugh, knowledge and sharing

A world that has learnt from your example of caring

Begin with self, find the Courage to change the world

We all talk of a better world, dream of a life where we can be truly happy and free of daily stress and the social ills that are bred through economic exploitation and the culture of plunder and war. We talk of 'one day'.

It is not easy to live in a world filled with so much violence - physical, emotional, structural, spiritual, genderbased and sexual We are overwhelmed by the presence of these acts and what they produce. The media makes money selling this violence to us, especially in the music, entertainment and news industries. This ongoing attention on violence pertuates the cycles of the violence. Positivity is rarely promoted in the media!

We are presented with a number of challenges: 

1. to withstand the temptation of fear dominating our way of Being
2. to withstand the temptation of buying into the ideas they are selling
3. to remain hopeful, full of hope
4. to Be peaceful, cooperative and optimistic
5. to Be courageous and fly the flag, wage war for a world where love is our religion and where cooperation and harmony is the standard

I am sure that you can think of more challenges. I have not even touched on the challenges of trauma release, healing and restoration that is required after violent acts.

To begin to respond effectively to these challenges we need to start with the self before moving toward a collective response. Whilst there is a collective response, the work with my self should continue. Our collective organised efforts often do not recognise the importance of each of us changing. After all if we aim to change the world, are we not intending for people to change their behaviour? In this case, we intend for people to change their behaviour from violent to peaceful . And who is the people, well, we are, even if we are not perpetrators. Are we always hopeful, peaceful, cooperative? No.  Do we become complicit to the violence by allowing fear to control us so that we cower and hand over our power to the perpetrators of violence? Yes. Perhaps some of the time we do speak out when we witness violence. Honestly if we all were courageous enough to take the power away from those perpetrating violence we would not be living in a world where for example "only 61% of the Sub-Saharan population having access to improved water sources", Alertnet.

We need to begin with the self, so that we are not bound by the chains of fear that is very effective tool to keep us in place. We don't always see how the system requires us to live in fear, be assured it does. If we were unfetterred by fear, we would speak out at every injustice, risk loosing our jobs, possessions, our life without a second thought. This is how change came about in our country, South Africa, we said "freedom in our lifetime, freedom or death, victory is certain". We were not afraid to loose possessions or life and many of us lost possessions, lives and loved ones.

Let us find the courage that resides, asleep or half awake within, let us rediscover our powerful, peaceful, hopeful selves so that we can start to gather the resources inside ourselves to continue journey toward a world where love is our religion and cooperation and harmony is the standard.

One Love