This Blog is taken directly from the Brahma Kumaris - Weekly Message of Inspiration 15 May 2012. I thought it worth sharing.
At a recent conversation with a group of young people the subject of anger came up. As one participant highlighted that society always advises us to find alternative ways to deal with our anger, however suppressing anger is certainly not the answer and further sometimes it is important to let the other know of your anger. Anger - why does this emotion erupt within us? Our usual reason is - other people. Ever heard yourself saying,”you make me angry”. Certainly, people’s behaviour, ideas, opinions and personality can differ from ours. Secondly, sometimes we can feel that people have over-stepped their boundaries. Whatever the reason, is anger useful to me?
That is the first question to consider, is anger useful to me? Have you ever considered what anger does to you? On a physical level - it increases your blood pressure, your heart rate increases you release adrenalin in the body to cope with this added pressure. So on a very basic level - anger affects my health. Secondly, often words spoken in anger can never be taken back. It can lead to hurt, pain and regret which would need a life time to heal. Thirdly, anger leads to anger - it creates an endless cycle. No one learns, changes or grows through anger.
Finding alternative ways to deal with the things that trigger our anger is very important. Suppressing it is certainly not the answer. How do we transform that emotion? In his book, Don’t get mad get wise, Mike George mentions - “any emotion under observation dies.” To transform and heal I need to firstly acknowledge the emotion. Secondly, it is vital to recognise that you are responsible for the emotion created. Irrespective of what happens around you, you are the one who creates the emotion of anger. No one does it for you - you created it. Until we acknowledge that our emotions are our own creation only then can we feel empowered to change it. Thirdly, the understanding that anger is not useful. I nor anyone around me has ever moved forward through anger.
A useful approach is to take a moment to step back and look at what options there are around you to find a meaningful solution. Most times, all it requires is COMMUNICATION. This is a big word. Communication can truly only happen when emotions are cooled down. So give yourself the time to be calm before attempting to communicate. Second rule, always speak from the point of how you feeling as an individual rather than blaming or accusing. Thirdly be honest and respectful and finally be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view. Only if we prepared to listen than will we be able to shift from our own perspective. This shift allows for a way forward.
To be able to do this it is very important to cultivate time for self reflection and inner peace through meditation. When I learn to create inner calm and peace, it gives me the clarity to see solutions and ways to move forward.
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