My life is in transition, I have spent the past few months trying to create a new rhythm in my life. The past few days I have rested, watched too many crappy hollywood movies, reflected, relaxed, had fun with the family children, rejuvenated and glimpsed at my present/future. This mid-year break is for some deeper reflection.
As I reflect and take stock I am tempted at times to fight and argue with others, thankfully I understand that these are the precise issues I need to delve deeper into, within me. That this issue is telling me something about myself. I have to unravel the mystery and piece the puzzle together, and usually I have to forgive myself, forgive others and give me permission to do something differently. Then move on to the next issue.
It is illuminating to actually see how easily I can choose to blame others or beat myself up for something and not resolve the matters. Just as interesting and educational is seeing how if I set my mind to it I can move through that moment of blaming me /others and shift into a I'm ok, you're ok view and find clarity and resolution. I am thankful that I practice daily reflection, heaven knows what a mess I would be if I did not.
I find I am evaluating everything, only motherhood is sacred. I am questioning all my actions / commitments, my motivation for doing them and checking that the values I say I am serving are truly being served. Or is that just what I tell myself I am serving.
I try to use love and karma (unconditional universal service ) as my tools for measurement of success - tricky because I have to watch out for my own mind games and self sabotage.
I am also moving into action and starting to do some of the tasks I have been neglecting in my personal life - this is the real rejuvenating, taking control of what is most important - beginning with me, with my home.
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